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7 Wickedly Cynical Christmas Songs to not Warm Your Heart

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It’s Christmas music season again, and my dark, bitter heart needs more than the usual. I need something in line with my aging Generation X mindset. Plus, I cannot stand most slow songs.

So, my quest led me to join forces with my old buddy YouTube. My friend didn’t let me down, turns out there’s a treasure trove of great, dark, cynical Christmas songs. And i want to share some with you.


1

The Kinks – “Father Christmas”

 

 

This is the song that inspired this list. To me, it’s a pure distillation of the commercialization and self-gratifying do-gooding that crops up this time of year.

“Father Christmas, give us some money…Give all the toys to the little rich boys”

 

2

Blink-182 – “Won’t Be Home For Christmas”

 

 

Vintage Blink 182 rocks this jam about not being ho,e for Christmas. Mostly because he’s in jail for going after carolers with a bat.

 

3

Fall Out Boy – “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out”

 

 

You could easily mistake this song for a ‘missing you this holiday’ type of tune. Forlorn vocals, urgent but sad acrostic guitar. The lyrics tell a different tale. One that is all about encouraging someone to please stay away this Christmas.

 

4

Dwight Yoakam – ”Santa Can’t Stay”

 

 

What’s that? You want to get even darker? OK, how about this tale of divorce, alcoholism and lives falling apart? All set to a lively rockabilly beat and bells.

 

6

John Prine – “Christmas in Prison”

 

 

Country/Folk singer John Prine sings about another Christmas behind bars.

 

7

Jimmy Witherspoon – “How I Hate to See Christmas Come Around”

 

 

The long history of the Blues is a fertile ground for non-traditional Christmas song. You could make several lists of the best Blues Christmas songs. But, the one I want to include here is from the late 1940s and has a nice traditional blues sound and a perfect yuletide attitude. “Oh Santa may have brought you some stars for your shoes But Santa only brought me the blues.” It’s just plain beautiful.

 

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